Mishap in Middle Earth
by ShatteredRhapsody
Summary: When the Beings of power royally screw up and send a pair of Mary Sue's to Middle-Earth, they send their agitated, mute secretary to go after them. Full summary inside.
1. Prologue

**A/N: Honestly, I don't even know why I wrote this in the first place. I realize I have bad habit of using Sue-ish OCs but I thought that maybe I could change that. If you don't like what I've written then don't bother reviewing. There's this thing called free will and another thing called common sense. **

**Please use them.**

**Summary: The great and almighty deities above have made the worse possible mistake in the history of all mistakes. They sent not one, but **_**two**_** completely **_**authentic**_** Mary Sue's straight to Middle-Earth. Instead of removing them, They send their assistant to go after them; an assistant who is mute and has only one form of defense and offense. How wonderful…**

**Disclaimer: All I own is Aisling. Pronounced Ash-ling. It's Irish. And no, I'm not Irish, but I have a relative who is.**

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_Prologue_

Immortality be damned.

What was the point of living forever if you couldn't speak? And the only ones who could understand you were animals, gods, and Demi-gods? And thanks to a little something called the Internet, life just sucked in general.

She sat on her Speed Racer car-shaped bed, her laptop open before her. The bed itself looked strange in the small room with its distinct lack of furnishings. Then again, she didn't care that her room appeared odd. Being a secretary to the Powers that Be didn't come with many benefits.

She was just about to go on a flaming rampage on a twit of an author when a Post-it note covered the little review window. She momentarily considered tearing the slip of paper to shreds before she took it in her hands and read the message. Her brows furrowed for a few seconds and her lips formed a frown. Closing her laptop, she reached over the side of the bed to put on her Eeyore slippers. Staring down at her feet, she let out a heavy, long-suffering sigh. Hopefully, this 'job' would be better than her previous errands.

Leaving her room, she walked along the short path of the bizarre hallway until she reached a glass door labeled in big block letters: The Head Honcho. She shook her head in disbelief; didn't they cut the Cable off years ago? Rolling her eyes, she pushed the door open and bowed politely to the giant mass of disembodied light.

"Ah, so there you are. Quick as ever, I see."

Her brow arched and her hands went to her hips. Tilting her head to the side, she narrowed her eyes as if to say: "Well, that's all good and dandy, but what have you done this time?"

The light dimmed to a faint pink.

"Now don't be angry with me, Aisling. I swear that I'll never do it again."

Wow. The Powers must have royally screwed up if it was making excuses for itself. She started to tap her foot in agitation.

"Right…well, you see…I was out drinking with the others when I was struck by an idea so terrible that I had no other choice but to act upon it. I sent a pair of MS's over to Middle-Earth and I was wondering if you could…ah, _fix_ this little problem?"

If only looks could kill, thought Aisling as she nodded in acceptance of her newest order. She had no choice but to do it. But oh, did she _want_ to do it. The blasted Power sent two devil-spawned women to wreak havoc on a poor unsuspecting dimension. And that would _not_ do at all.

"I'm surprised you're not more vocal about this one." If it were joking, then it would have a horrible and incredibly rude joke. Fortunately, it wasn't. Aisling did have a voice; it just wasn't a human one. She was one of the few changelings created by the Powers that Be whose muteness didn't pass on to her animal form: a leopard. She could have been a different beast like her colleagues were, but her heart and mind happily settled for this one.

Aisling ignored His comment and glared. She wanted first dibs on those Mary Sue's, and she was determined to rip them apart limb from disturbingly-perfect limb.

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**A/N: Yes, I realize this is short. This is the Prologue after all. **

**Review please.**


	2. A Party to Remember

**A/N: I've decided against inserting a Legomance in this one. I'm starting to loathe just the very thought of it. No offense to other authors—I like reading some MS fics—but please refrain from making your OCs fall for Legolas. It's getting overrated.**

**I would also like to dedicate this chapter to moonchild94. Thanks for being the first to review!!!**

**Disclaimer: Psh. I wish I owned something.**

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_Chapter 1_

_A Party to Remember_

Aisling sighed in frustration, her fingers tapping out a rhythm that practically screamed irritation. A larger, weathered hand covered her own and she looked up at Gandalf's patient gaze.

"Do no worry, my dear. We'll get there soon enough."

This time, she sighed longer, but kept her hands still. Gandalf was pleased that she was at least obeying him. Their first meeting had been a bit awkward; he nearly killed her when she appeared out of thin air in her animal form. It was only when she resumed her human form did he understand. She had also given him a folded piece of parchment that explained her presence and purpose in neatly written Elvish.

But it had to be hard for her. He knew that Aisling would be more than helpful; it was just her lack of voice would be difficult to get used to. He had already apologized several times for forgetting that she couldn't answer back whenever he asked her a question. However, he discovered another way for her to communicate with him: it was all in her facial expressions and body language. The miming helped tremendously; especially when he had asked her age. She had smiled mischievously and titled her head in a playful manner.

He quickly discovered that she enjoyed playing games. It had helped pass the time and he was amazed at just how young she truly was. He had thought that a servant of the Valar would be well over several thousand years old, but she was only two thousand years. He had apologized to Aisling for making assumptions and his rudeness.

She took it in stride; she shook her head with what would have been a laugh if she had a voice, and patted his hand to reassure him. She really was a dear.

**V**

Meeting Frodo Baggins was more than a pleasure to Aisling. He was a very kind hobbit and found her shape shifting ability absolutely fascinating. It wasn't often that an average-looking woman went from being five foot four to being three feet tall from ear to ground and roughly six feet from nose to tail.

"Ah, Frodo, why don't you give Aisling the grand tour of Hobbiton?" Gandalf needed some time with his old friend Bilbo.

"Alright, Gandalf, I'll see you at the party." The dark-haired hobbit took the mute immortal's hand and led her in the direction of his friend's home. He just knew that Sam would be overjoyed to meet her. Sam had a tiny bit of an obsession when it came to meeting other creatures; elves were at the very top of that list.

It didn't take long to find his gardener, who was…well, gardening. Sam was pulling weeds from a small vegetable patch, muttering something about his "precious potatoes."

Aisling's lips twitched and curved into a smile. Frodo chuckled and tapped his good friend on the shoulder, who nearly jumped out of his skin in surprise.

"Mr. Frodo!" Sam scolded, "You shouldn't scare folks like that, what with you being silent and sneaky." He blinked when he noticed a much taller person standing beside his employer. "And who is your friend?"

Frodo introduced Aisling to Sam, then quickly informed his portly friend that she was mute after Sam greeted her.

"It's a pleasure to meet you too, Miss Aisling." She appeared to be a very nice woman. She had long, auburn hair and bright green eyes. She wasn't the most beautiful woman Sam had ever seen, but she looked quite homely with her button nose and slightly crooked smile.

He didn't think he would find himself short of breath when her smile grew wider and her eyes sparkled like emeralds. She clapped her hands in excitement and pointed to something behind him. Turning, Sam walked over to the direction in which she was pointing and studied the wall of flowers. Looking back at her, he pointed to the large plant.

"Do you like Honeysuckle, Miss Aisling?"

She nodded and placed her hands over her heart as if to say she loved them. Joining him by the wall, she pointed to the flowers and then held up three fingers before gesturing back to the blossoms.

It took Sam a moment to figure out what it was she wanted, but when she pointed to the flowers and then to herself, he immediately understood.

"Oh, it's no problem at all, My Lady." Gently, Sam removed three of the blossoms with their stems attached. Holding them out to her, he was surprised to find himself in a gentle embrace. "Oh, no thanks are necessary, Miss Aisling. 'Tis a gift for you."

He decided to befriend and get to know her; it was kind of her to ask him instead of picking the flowers herself.

**V**

They spent the day together; Aisling, Sam and Frodo. They helped set up tables and chairs for the party. Aisling played with the children and gave them rides on her back in her leopard form.

Frodo had laughed to the point of tears when Sam nearly jumped a foot into the air. He struggled to explain between chuckles that Aisling was a shape changer that Gandalf brought with him.

"You couldn't have told me sooner?"

Frodo continued to snicker but managed a shrug. His best friend rolled his eyes and left to put up more decorations.

Seeing Frodo alone, Aisling returned to her human form and lightly tugged on his shirt sleeve. Her friend caught her gaze and smiled, "Don't worry, Sam was thrilled to have met you; it just takes time for him to adjust."

She gestured to the rest of Hobbiton with a curious gleam in her eyes. She shrugged then shook her head in confusion as if she didn't understand. It didn't take long to put two and two together; she didn't know how the other hobbits had instantly accepted her ability instead of freaking out like Sam did.

"Oh, that. After everything that Gandalf and Bilbo have done, not much can really surprise us hobbits any more."

Tell that to the dragon fireworks.

Aisling playfully sneered at Frodo as if to say, "Oh really? This looks like surprise to me."

"I didn't say that _nothing_ could surprise us," he hastily defended himself after helping Bilbo to his feet, "I just meant that it can take quite a bit to get our attention! Hey now, I saw that smile. Don't pretend that I didn't see you roll your eyes at me!"

"Speech, Bilbo! Speech!"

Old Bilbo stood atop several barrels of ale with a smile.

"My dear Bagginses and Boffins…Tooks and Brandybucks…" he paused between surnames so his guests could cheer, "Grubbs, Chubbs… Hornblowers… Bolgers! Bracegirdles and Proudfoots!"

"Proudfeet!" A rather disgruntled-looking, round hobbit yelled from the back.

"Today is my 111th birthday!" His statement was met with a loud chorus of "Happy Birthday!"

"But alas, eleventy-one years is far too short a time to live among…such excellent and admirable hobbits."

Aisling snorted. He was laying it on just a tad bit thick, and his next comment had her struggling to keep a straight face.

"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like…and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve."

The hobbits of the Shire stared at each other in confusion while a certain immortal started gasping for air and clutching her sides. It was times like these that Aisling was grateful for not having a voice.

"I have things to do. I've put this off for far too long."

There was a small amount of silence as a stillness set upon his audience.

"I regret to announce this is the end! I'm going now."

And Bilbo was gone.

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**A/N: Say what you want, but I had to start it off somehow. Don't worry, things will pick up a little more in the next chapter.**

**Review please.**


	3. Road Trip

**A/N: It's another lazy day so bear with me for this chapter.**

**Disclaimer: If I owned anything that had to do with LotR, Tolkien would be rolling in his grave.**

_Italics_ **thoughts**

_**Bold Italics**_** mental conversation**

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_Chapter 2_

_Road Trip_

Bilbo really was gone for good. He would never return to the Shire. And the same would soon be said of Gandalf. Before the wizard left to consult Sarumon, he had asked that Aisling remain in her animal form until they reached Bree. Both Sam and Frodo would be completely defenseless so her ability was needed.

Aisling gave him a reassuring smile and ruffled Sam and Frodo's hair affectionately, indicating that she would take care of them. Or at least she'd try to; it got to be a little more difficult after Merry and Pippin decided to go crop-raiding. And of course the little tumble off the hill had her yowling in pain. Frodo was sitting on her tail while Pippin was using her head as a cushion.

"I think I've broken something."

_I'm right there with ya, Merry_. Aisling thought as the hobbits disentangled themselves to scurry after mushrooms. It was Frodo who helped her to her feet, patted her head, and apologized for using her as a pillow. She had given him an indignant snort before her entire body went still. She felt her hackles rising and she lowered herself to the ground, the beginnings of a snarl trickling from behind her bared teeth.

Taking in her reaction, Frodo felt a distinct sense of foreboding and told his friends to get off the road. Aisling helped by nudging and pulling on their clothes with her teeth. They hid beneath the roots of the trees, Aisling's body pressing them as far back as possible.

When the Nazgûl crouched down to search for them and the insects of the earth moved to escape its presence, Aisling had to fight her baser instincts not to leave their hiding spot and attack. The urge was so great that it had her muscles taught with tension and it took both Merry and Pippin to hold her down. It wasn't until Sam grabbed Frodo and Merry tossed the sack of vegetables that her body went lax, but she had yet to drop her guard.

They moved even further away from the road so Merry could drop down to ask, "What was that?" When Sam was about to reply with something along the lines of: "Oh, just a servant of the Dark Lord," Aisling nipped at his hand and shook her head to stop him. They had to keep moving; she could feel the presences of the other Nazgûl. A little worried, she led them deeper into the forest and kept watch as they scurried from tree to tree.

"Anything?" One of them called out.

Frodo looked to Aisling, who shook her head. He replied with a breathless, "Nothing."

Merry came to his side and stated the obvious, "That Black Rider was looking for something. Or someone. Frodo?"

If Aisling was in her human form she would have given them all a good kick in the rear. What part of they were in danger did they not get?

"Get down!" Sam whispered/shouted.

They all hit the deck, or so to speak, but kept their eyes on the Ringwraith.

"I have to leave the Shire," Frodo spoke quietly even though the Rider was a good distance away, "Sam, Aisling and I must get to Bree."

"Right. Huckleberry Ferry. Follow me."

From Aisling's point of view it had to be the most desperate run of their lives so far. The hobbits' lives, of course, would be filled with lots of running. And, she suspected, hers too.

She didn't have to hear the wailing screeches to know the enemy was practically on their heels, oh no…Just its very presence kicked her fight or flee instincts into overdrive, and with the ones she had to protect, her inner animalistic thoughts were screaming at her to flee.

"Run!"

What did they think she was doing? She had to move at a slower pace just so she could keep an eye on all of them; a difficult task when one is running for her life, but she managed.

She was so distracted by her thoughts that she nearly brained herself against the fence that the others managed to jump over. Mentally cursing any deity above who was listening, she came to a skidding halt when she realized it was just Sam, Merry and Pippin on the dock.

_Frodo!_

She did an about-face and shot forwards in the direction of the Wraith. She wasn't the proper type of cat to take down the Wraith without being slaughtered, but she settled for burying her teeth into the horse's neck so that it reared slightly, buying time for Frodo to make it to the others.

Aisling may have been successful in her diversion, but her small victory came with a price. Just as she released the horse, the hilt of the Nazgûl's sword came down above her left eye and she could have sworn that she saw stars.

"Aisling!"

She vaguely heard the hobbits' frightened cries and some fervent splashing before she realized they were trying to go back for her.

_No!_

Her protest escaped her muzzle in an agonized yowl. _Move, you bloody fool!_ She scolded herself and forced her body to move at full speed towards the ferry. Her vision was blurry, but she could still maintain her sights on the four hobbits that were steadily floating away from her.

"Jump, Aisling! Jump!"

Easy for them to say. She had barely caught the edge of the ferry with her claws and the shock of the below freezing water that enveloped half of her body would have had her slipping beneath its depths if not for the four pairs of hands that hauled her on board.

"How far to the nearest crossing?" Frodo asked.

"The Brandywine Bridge. Twenty miles." Merry replied while Sam helped Frodo to his feet. Pippin cradled Aisling's larger, feline body close to his and petted her fur soothingly. They had quite a ways to go and he could see that her eyes had slid shut. They had all seen the blow to her head she had received, so Pippin thought it best to let her rest as much as she could. According to Sam, they needed her in her human form when they reached Bree.

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Aisling woke with a raging headache and blinked wearily up at Frodo, who had shaken her awake.

"Aisling? We have to go. We're almost at Bree and we can't leave without you."

She nodded in understanding and shakily got to her feet.

"Easy there, Miss Aisling," Sam helped catch her when she nearly fell forward. It was quite an amazing feat for even a hobbit to keep a hundred and thirty pound leopard on its feet.

They were almost at the rendezvous and she couldn't risk the little ones being caught because of her slowing them down. Pushing the pain to the back of her mind, she took a few wobbly steps forward until she got her bearings.

With a flick of her tail, she returned to Frodo's side and licked the back of his hand to let him know that she was thankful that he let her recover somewhat before they continued on their way.

Sam and the others patted her back as they flanked her sides. Even though they knew she was there to protect them, they wanted to be the ones to protect her after what she had done for them.

They made it to Bree in little to no time at all. Aisling had shifted to human form at the tree line and quickly found herself shivering in the cold night air. She chastised herself for leaving the Shire in such a plain lavender dress. Luckily, Sam withdrew a spare cloak from his pack and handed it to her. After pulling up the hood, Aisling was surprised to find that it fit her perfectly. She looked to Sam with a question in her eyes.

The portly hobbit finished adjusting his pack and took her hand. "Oh, the cloak? Gandalf told me to give it to you."

They followed Frodo to the front gates of Bree where he knocked hurriedly. A sour looking man demanded to know what they wanted and Frodo replied that they were on their way to the Prancing Pony.

The gate/door swung open and Aisling was nearly blinded by the lantern's light swinging in their direction.

"Hobbits. Four hobbits and a woman! What business brings you to Bree?"

Again, Frodo spoke for them: "We wish to stay at the Inn. Our business is our own."

Of course Merry just had to open his mouth with: "And our friend is hurt. She needs rest."

"All right young sirs, I meant no offense." He stepped back to let them enter the village. "It's my job to ask questions after nightfall. There's talk of strange folk abroad. Can't be too careful."

Aisling nodded her thanks to the old man, whose eyes softened at the sight of the bruise at her temple. His gaze shifted over to Sam who was guiding her to join the others, "You get your friend some help, you hear!" He called after their retreating backs.

The Prancing Pony warmed Aisling like nothing else could. It also made her painfully aware of the swelling at the corner of her forehead. And the news that Gandalf had not arrived yet was quickly creating a massive headache.

They got a table thanks to Sam and quickly got down to drinking and eating. They all felt the stares on them; especially Aisling, who knew it must have been strange to see a woman accompanied by hobbits. She felt one particular stare that sent shivers down her spine. Her memory of the storyline was a bit hazy, but she knew who was staring so intently at them. Or, to be more specific, at Frodo.

Apparently Sam noticed as well since he mentioned it to him. Aisling tuned out the rest conversation about the discovery of the Ranger in the corner. She didn't want to even look in his general direction; the man's stare alone had her adrenaline rushing on full blast. And he wasn't even staring at her, but at Frodo!

She always thought that Strider had an unnatural liking to the hobbits. She shook her head. She was confusing the movie with the actors. But she still had to wonder…she deftly recalled that in the appendix of the extended third movie there were scenes of Sam's future wedding where Viggo Mortensen was in a disturbingly attractive lip lock with a certain Billy Boyd.

"Mr. Frodo?!"

Sam's panicked voice brought her back to reality._ So Frodo already pulled his disappearing act?_ She frowned. She really had to stop zoning out like that. She had barely realized that she was once again zoning out when Pippin grabbed her hand and nearly had her doing a face-plant over the table.

_Peregrin Took!_ She wanted to snap at him, but settled for giving him a withering glare. A glare that had him gulping and nervously stammering out an explanation.

"It's F-Frodo, M-Miss Aisling. The R-Ranger…he t-took him…" he was still pulling her insistently towards Sam and Merry. He heard her sigh heavily and felt himself being led towards their friends.

They barged into the Ranger's room, candle holders blazing. _Or would that be candlesticks? Oh well…ack! No! Bad Aisling!_ She had caught her wayward thoughts before she would miss anything eventful.

Unfortunately, the only eventful event was Merry accidentally swinging his candle holder and clipping the side of her head…right where she was previously injured.

"Merry!" Pippin scolded and helped Aisling to sit on the bed. He completely ignored the blank stares the Ranger and the other hobbits were giving him. He gently brushed aside a few stray locks of Aisling's hair, his fingertips just barely grazing her injury. Tears sprang to her eyes and he apologized profusely.

Sam turned to Merry and smacked the side of his head. He then shoved him towards the teary-eyed changeling.

"Oh, Miss Aisling. I'm right sorry about that. It was an accident, I swear." He was ready to start groveling if it wasn't for the tender ruffling of his hair that told him she understood.

Strider watched the exchange between the bruised woman and the worried hobbits. He sighed. The only way he would at least earn some of their trust would be to help their female companion.

"I think it would be best if you and your friends remain in my room. The Black Riders won't find you here." He saw their suspicious stares and held up both hands. "I'll not try anything harmful towards anyone. All I ask is that you let me help your friend."

Frodo knew sincerity when he saw it so he reluctantly agreed that they would stay with Strider for the night.

Aisling let out a relieved sigh but flinched when Aragorn inspected her injury.

"Be at ease, lady. This is quite some wound you have. How is it that it originally came to be?"

She opened her mouth as if to speak, but she pressed her lips together and gestured for Sam to help her. He immediately understood her predicament and turned to look up at Strider.

"Miss Aisling would tell you if she had a voice, but she wants me to explain." He started from when they had gotten off the road and were being chased by the Black Rider. Of course, explaining that Aisling was a changeling took several minutes to sink in. But after Strider saw the truth for himself, he found himself shaking his head in disbelief.

"Even for an animal of your size, lady Aisling, what you did was extremely dangerous. You're lucky it was just the hilt." He studied the bruise and found it to be merely bluster—meaning it wasn't as bad as it looked. Using cold water and a piece of cloth, he held it to her bruise until she reached up to do it herself. She mouthed the words "thank you," which he acknowledged with a nod.

When the swelling had gone considerably down, she resumed her animal form and moved over to the window where Strider sat.

"Why don't you sleep, little one?" He looked down at the strangely beautiful predator who gave him a shrug or a rippling of muscles that could pass as a shrug. He settled his hand on the back of her head and ran his palm along her back, absently petting her.

Her purring was a comforting sound in the quiet room. That was up until the soothing purrs turned into a low growl. It quickly shifted to a nearly muted snarl because of Aragorn's fingers scratching behind her ears to keep her from getting too wild.

"What are they?" Frodo asked what the others were thinking.

"They were once Men. Great kings of Men."

Aisling snorted at that, but continued to listen to the Ranger.

"Then Sauron the Deceiver gave to them nine rings of power. Blinded by their greed, they took them without question. One by one, falling into darkness." He turned to watch them through the window, his hand holding Aisling by the scruff of her neck since her snarls were not as muted as before. "Now they are slaves to his will." He turned his attention back on the hobbits. "They are the Nazgûl. Ringwraiths. Neither living nor dead."

Aisling happily tuned out the next part of the conversation. She wriggled out of Aragorn's grasp and settled herself on the floor to sleep. She had a feeling that they would be leaving in a few hours.

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Aisling didn't mind following Strider into the Wild. He even brought her a friend, Bill the pony. Bill was an alright pony; not too chatty but great with the occasional conversation. Plus it helped drown out Sam's suspicious-sounding questions and comments.

"_**So Bill, were you raised in Bree?"**_

"_**Actually, no. I was born just outside of the Shire."**_

"_**I thought you didn't look like the other ponies."**_

"_**Well, I'm not as bad-tempered as they are. Blimey, we've been walking forever."**_

"_**I don't think it'll be long until we reach Rivendell."**_

Her own words stopped her in her tracks.

"_**Ah, I heard it's a nice place. Also heard there's somethin' right unnatural going on over there."**_

Aisling felt her eyes bug out.

Her mission. Holy crap, how did she forget? _Hm, well, being scared out of your mind for several days can be quite distracting…_

She sighed heavily and she knew she must have looked absolutely pathetic. She certainly felt that way. She knew that the Fellowship would take care of the hobbits so she wouldn't have to but…she couldn't just let them replace her position as the hobbits' protector. And just how was she going to protect them and manage to keep the Mary Sue's under control when the journey _really_ began?

As her favorite cartoon bear would say:

Oh, bother.

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**A/N: I'm starting the next chapter on Weathertop. I could just go the Suethor way and skip to Rivendell but I just can't do it. I always rush through chapters and for once in my Fanfiction writing life, I want to take my time.**

**Review please.**


	4. Fellowship Bonding Pt 1

**A/N: Sorry for the wait. I was vacationing in northern California and completely forgot about my readers! You have my deepest apologies. But wow! I'M BACK, BABY!!!! **

**Also, Aisling is going to be just a tad bit snarky and nutty in the beginning, you'll read why.**

**Disclaimer: You know the routine. Me: penniless authoress; professional at making original authors not only roll, but convulse in their graves. J.R.R. Tolkien: Master of Imagination, Lord of Literature….you get the idea.**

_Italics_ **thoughts or flashbacks**

_**Bold Italics**_** mental thoughts/dream conversations**

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_Chapter 3_

_Fellowship Bonding Pt. 1_

The stress of her temporarily forgotten mission was more than taxing on Aisling's high-strung nerves. Detailed ideas on how to dispose of the Fanfiction-hell-spawned creatures plagued her mind and distracted her to the point where she had walked into several trees. Of course the others noticed her peculiar behavior after the fourth tree, but they merely assumed that she was just tired.

This was why Strider took them to Weathertop. He knew the little ones wouldn't be able to keep up the pace and Pippin's incessant complaints about food were starting to grate on his nerves. And by the frustrated growls that were aimed in the hobbit's direction, he wasn't the only one who felt a little annoyed.

Annoyed? Hell no. Aisling was aggravated by the whole situation! She knew the little midgets would get them all busted just because they were hungry. Who needed to eat that much anyway? And Sam wondered why the other hobbits in the Shire referred to him as 'rather portly.' She shook her head and let out a low yowl; she was ranting and she knew it too. Ranting was never smart; especially, when one such as she had enough problems to deal with like useless h—

"Put it out!"

_Son of a—_

"That's nice! Ash on my tomatoes!"

She knew it. She just new that a certain mass of disembodied light was laughing down at her. _Dammit…I shouldn't have left the hamsters alone!_ She knew she was being very nice, calling them hamsters and such, but with the day she was having, she _had_ that right.

Hearing the screech of the only known Middle-Earthian creature that could pierce your eardrums until you passed out from the blood leaking out your ears, she followed the scents of the little bastards—_Ouch! Low blow, Aisling, low blow,_ she shook her head at her ridiculing thoughts. Moving on, she made it to the side of the hill where they could see all five of the Nazgûl, and mentally screamed the first thought that popped up into her mind:

_Dementors! Oh, wait, wrong movie._

She blinked at her burst of insanity just as Frodo withdrew his sword and told the others to head back up to the watchtower. She rolled her eyes at that. Just what was he going to do with the sword? Poke the Wraiths' eyes out? Her leopard eyes turned thoughtful and she moved into a sitting position as her thoughts played out: Did the Nazgûl even _have_ eyes? If Aragorn said that they were neither living nor dead, then that made them undead. So did that make them vampires? And if so, then why weren't the Men under the Mountains classified as—

Frodo's cries of pain instantly brought her back to reality and had her haulin' ass—pardon my language—back up the hill. As she ran, she kept herself as low to the ground as possible before launching every bit of her 130lbs of feline fury at the nearest Nazgûl. She knew her claws and fangs couldn't pierce their armor, so she dug her claws into their cloaks and put all her dead-weight into it. She was more than satisfied when her prey stumbled backwards, but her satisfaction was short lived.

A gauntlet closed in on the scruff of her neck and promptly threw her into a stone pillar. She hissed in pain just as Aragorn came to the rescue. Just what the hell was he doing earlier? Twiddling his thumbs?!

She forced back the pain and stumbled over to Frodo and Sam where the other hobbits soon joined them. Keeping her body between them and the Nazgûl, she bared her teeth and snarled for all she was worth. But to be honest, she was really cheering on Aragorn—even if he showed up late to save them. _Typical man!_

"Strider!" Sam called, "Help him Strider!"

The Ranger knelt beside the useless foursome and lifted the sword left behind by the Ringwraith. "He's been stabbed by a Morgul blade."

Aisling always thought the blade-to-ash trick looked cool in the movie, but this was just freakin' _awesome_…well, it was until she breathed some of it in and started to have a sneezing fit.

"This is beyond my skill to heal. He needs Elvish medicine."

They followed after him into the forest, Frodo thrown over Aragorn's shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Aisling dutifully trailed after them, keeping her eyes and ears open for signs of danger.

But Eru almighty, her vision was starting to go just a tad bit blurry. _Must be my allergic reaction to Morgul ash,_ was what she considered before she ran into Merry, who suddenly stopped moving.

"Bilbo's trolls…" he murmured and absently patted her on the head before going over to inspect the stone trolls.

"Mr. Frodo? He's going cold!" Sam spoke with a trace of panic in his voice. That small tidbit of fear sparked a long-buried instinct within Aisling. Fear meant prey, and prey meant _food._ She was close enough that with just one bite Sam would be done for. Luckily, her human conscience took a mallet to her predatory instincts and beat them back into the mental prison where it belonged.

So instead of tearing into Sam's tender flesh, Aisling settled herself beside Frodo in an attempt to keep him warm. It also gave a chance to rest and heal. Sure, she was immortal, but she was immortal like elves were immortal. She could still die by natural and unnatural disasters.

Merry and Pippin sat alongside Aisling, petting her a little harshly(1) as they attempted to keep themselves calm. She tolerated the annoyance, knowing they needed the comfort more than she needed to sleep.

"Thank you for taking care of us," she heard one of them whisper before darkness took her and she succumbed to sleep.

Her dream was brief, bright, and utterly irritating. She should have known that the Powers above would be paying her a visit; she just wished they'd bother her at another time.

"_**What's wrong, Aisling? Are we not allowed to give warnings anymore?"**_

_**She liked this dream. At least she could talk back.**_

"_**Say what you have to say, then leave."**_

"_**As you wish—"(2)**_

"_**Stop that. Just tell me."**_

_**The mass of disembodied light that served as her boss flashed dimly as if it were sighing. "Right. So just a fair warning would be to keep up your guard. Your objectives will try to get rid of you once they find out about your existence."**_

_**Oh, joy.**_

"_**This is to be taken seriously, Aisling! Immortal you may be, but don't forget that you can die in the same ways that mortals do."**_

_**She always thought that death by Jell-O(3) would be an interesting way to go…**_

_**The light flashed again, only much longer and much more exaggerated. "I see that you want to be difficult. Fine. If that is how you are going to act, then I'm limiting your memory of the future. How do you like them apples, little Aisling?"**_

**V**

**V**

She spent the following day grieving over her loss of memory. She had reverted back to her human form as she, Aragorn, and the remaining hobbits made their way to Rivendell. For once, she was just as depressed as Sam. And that was saying something.

Her face was a billboard of gloom and agony. Gloom because she knew Frodo would be alright, but she couldn't remember what would happen after that. And agony because she had a feeling that the Mary Sues' memories hadn't been tampered with.

The stress was wearing her down. She barely noticed their entrance into Rivendell, nor the strange looks she was receiving. Especially when the twin sons of Elrond, Elrohir and Elladan, introduced themselves and were barely spared even a glance.

Of course she immediately came back to herself after hearing screams of outrage aimed in her direction. Despite the reactions of the outrageously beautiful elleths stomping their way over to her, Aisling felt the beginnings of a smile curve her lips. Focusing her attention on them, she wasn't surprised to find two blond-haired, lithe, and blue-eyed perfect beings. She rolled her eyes. Had creativity truly ceased to exist?

"Pardon me, peasant. But you shouldn't be here." The taller, platinum blond snapped at her.

Aisling forced herself to hold back a smirk, but her expression and arched brow clearly stated what she was thinking: _Oh, but you should?_

"Yeah," echoed the sandy-blond carbon copy beside her. "These Lords of the Rings are ours! You can't just waltz into her and steal the men we want!"

Aisling's inner fan girl was gouging out her eyes and tearing off her fingernails whilst laughing hysterically at the absurdity of it all. These two were every stereotypical Mary Sue Fanfiction come to life!

"Insolent wench, we're talking to you and we are not about to be ignored—"

She would have given anything to have a voice, but she settled for glowering at them for all she was worth. Her spring green eyes hardened to emerald fire; it was the look of a predator cornering its prey. She was amused by their frightened expressions, but she knew she could really terrify them if it wasn't for the approaching footsteps.

"My ladies, are you alright?" Dam wizard ruined her fun. Aisling softened her gaze and turned to Gandalf with an almost bitter smile.

"Oh, Grandfather Alfy!"

Some twisted part of Aisling was pleased to see Gandalf cringe. It was cruel and terribly rude of her, but she snickered anyway.

"Yes…my dear?" Gandalf was trying not to grind his teeth. He did not like these two mystery elleths. Everything about them gave him the urge to harm himself; they were too perfect to be natural.

"That…that peasant! She's some kind of witch!"

That earned the bimbo Gandalf's glare of Doom.

"Miss Marigold, I suggest you hold your tongue with your assumptions. Aisling is a very close friend of mine." Only a small lie, but Marigold had enough decency to look guilty. The other idiot, however, just kept on trucking.

"But…but Grandfather Adolf," Aisling's shoulders trembled with silent laugher, "She was muttering spells and she had demon eyes!"

Aisling and Gandalf shared the same blank stare before they erupted with gales of laughter. The old wizard wiped away a tear and leaned against his staff, "And just how, Miss Susannah, could you hear Aisling speak when she clearly has no voice?" He gestured towards his acquaintance, who was doubled over with laughter once again.

Aisling knew she must have looked like an idiot, rolling around on the ground trying to breathe. Oh, fate was just too hilarious to bear! _Marigold and Susannah? Where _is_ the originality?_

"But…she—I could have sworn…" Susannah blinked her oh-so-perfect baby blue eyes in befuddlement. The poor fool looked so pathetic that Gandalf almost felt sorry for her.

Almost.

"Come on, Su." Marigold grabbed her partner-in-crime by the arm and led her away. "It's obvious this…_sorceress_ has enthralled Grandolf with her devilry."

Gandalf could only shake his head with pity, "Why must they insist on mangling my name? Oh, and I see _your_ spirits have been lifted." He glanced over at his fellow immortal, who had finally risen from the ground.

Aisling dusted off her simple blue gown before wiping away a tear. She gave the old wizard a cheeky grin as if to say: _"I told you so."_

He mock-scowled at her, "That you did, my dear. That you did. Oh, cease your giggles already." He knew he should have believed her words in the note that explained her presence. He should have paid special attention to the words, such as _"abomination"_ and _"aggravating"_. Or perhaps the phrase _"Hell on Middle Earth" _should have been given him some kind of clue.

He sighed heavily. These next few days would not be kind to either of them. He just _knew_ it.

**V**

**V**

Marigold flung aside her perfectly perfect platinum locks of hair in frustration. Her companion sat on her bed, her gaze unable to meet that of her enraged friend. "This can't be happening Su; that…that _thing_ is not supposed to be here! It was supposed to just be us and the men here would have all been plump for the picking!"

"I think you mean ripe for the picking," Susannah muttered under her breath before she let out a horrified shriek of pain. Her crazed partner actually slapped her!

"Oh, shut up Susannah!" The bossier blond practically screeched. "You're not helping by being so negative!"

"But…I wasn't even _being_ nega—_Eep!_" She ducked just in time as Marigold's fist sailed right over her head.

"Just shut it! We have to get rid of her before the Hotness arrives. I think we still have a day or two, but I'm not sure."

"We can get rid of her today," Susannah spoke in a small voice, hoping like hell she wouldn't get injured in the next five minutes. "It's the females' turn to do the wash in the stream. The water is deep enough to drown her in."

The Gods above really must have looked down on Susannah because next thing she knew, she was pushed off the bed and could have sworn she'd seen stars. The last thing she heard was Marigold's mad cackle, and she could only hope that things would go according to plan.

**V**

**V**

Aisling was quickly introduced to Lord Elrond's daughter. It appeared that the elleths had inherited her grandmother's telepathic abilities. However, she seemed more of an empath since she was able to pick up on Aisling's feelings right away. Especially, after inquiring if she had met Marigold and Susannah. It didn't take an empath to see the amount of revulsion and disgust that played across Aisling's features.

Despite her father's newest guest being mute, Arwen found her to be a breath of fresh air. She loved Aisling's almost childish bickering with Gandalf; why, she hadn't seen the Mithrandir so flustered in years! She also enjoyed trying to figure out what Aisling was saying through her various forms of communication; sometimes she would even go as far as transforming into her beast form just to get Gandalf's attention like she did just a couple of minutes ago….

_Quick Flashback_

_Gandalf was explaining to Lord Elrond's family about Aisling's fortuitous circumstances and was trying to elucidate her ability to change into a type of feline beast. Unfortunately, Lord Elrond, Arwen, and the twins looked utterly confounded by the whole thing._

_The wizard sighed heavily, "Perhaps if we demonstrate—Just what are you thinking, little one?" He didn't like the mischievous glint in the shape shifter's eyes._

_Aisling's day had just been given a sudden spark of happiness. And she would ride out that emotion until Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dumber reared their ugly heads again. Also, she just _loved_ the way Gandalf's expression went from frustrated to wary in the time space of a barely a second. Good. So the old bat was learning her personality. It took the Deities above a good fifty years to get that down pat._

"_Arwen, you're able to sense her emotions at best. Tell me child, what has she got planned?" Gandalf was hoping to be given at least one hint from the elleth, but was met with utter dismay when she merely stifled a girlish giggle. Unfortunately, while he was in the midst of asking for help, Aisling sat up from her chair and snatched the old man's hat off his head._

"_Aisling!"_

_She was light on her feet as she skipped away into the gardens. She moved slowly enough so the others could follow, and just when Gandalf was less than three feet from her, she changed form. She only gave the others a few seconds to gasp in surprise before their gasp turned into laughter. The leopard Aisling now held the wizard's hat in her jaws and took off with a playful flick of her tail._

_End Flashback_

Poor Gandalf was still searching for the missing jungle cat. He went to Elrond for help, who in turn, sent out servants to find the playful creature. Of course, both should have just looked to the twins for help. Elrohir and Elladan happily took the shape shifter with them on a routine border patrol and left the hat sitting atop Lord Elrond's desk in his private study.

**V**

**V**

The twin sons of Elrond were more than happy to escort their honored guest back to their sister. The trio looked like they had been through the wringer and back; twigs and leaves were woven into their hair, whilst mud and an assortment of insects decorated their clothes. Of course, Arwen was torn between laughing and scolding at them for intentionally bringing muddy footsteps back into their home.

"Now listen here, little one." Elladan spoke down to Aisling at his sister's door, "If anyone asks, my brother and I did _not_ trip over your animal form and tumble into a patch of wet leaves. And if they ask for specifics, just look as frightened as possible." She let out an indignant snort at that. Her? Frightened? Maybe a good three centuries ago, but who's counting?

"And don't forget," Elrohir whispered conspiratorially, "You didn't see anything out of the norm."

"Enough, brothers. You're agitating our guest, who needs to get cleaned up." Aisling was ever thankful towards the elleth, who seemed to be more dedicated to Aisling's needs, rather than her own. It wasn't often that Aisling met a being so selfless. Save for Sam, of course.

Arwen led her to the bath where hot water and scented oils had filled the tub to practically the brim. "Give me a moment. I'll fetch the scented oils for your hair." Aisling watched her practically glide away, and got down to undressing. She wasn't one to care about modesty, but she didn't want to offend her hostess in any way. She let out a contented sigh as she happily slid into the tub. Thank the Gods for hot water; otherwise she would have refused the mission.

Settling herself so that the waterline was just beneath her nose to contemplate her situation. _I could kill them, but that would raise questions that I doubt even Gandalf can answer. What to do…_ She sighed again, blowing bubbles in the water. She had to remain calm; getting too anxious wouldn't help her one bit.

"Do not worry, Miss Aisling. I'm sure you'll find your answers." Arwen's angelic voice drifted into her ears and had her slipping beneath the waterline and popping back up like a buoy. She laughed as she wiped at her eyes and was met with an equally amused elleth. "Shall I wash your hair?" Aisling nodded with a giggle before she resettled herself in the tub.

"So what do you think of my brothers?"

The question caught Aisling so off guard that she gaped like a fish out of water before she composed her features and shrugged her shoulders with an indifferent air.

"I was simply jesting." Her tone turned serious as she rinsed the other immortal's hair, "Aragorn mentioned that you were injured during your battle with the Wringwraiths. Do you need any healing?" Arwen wanted to help this woman; after all, she had kept her beloved and his companions safe from harm. The immortal before her nodded and leaned forward so that Arwen could see the rainbow of bruises and scrapes that ran along the woman's back. She made a mental note to inform her father of this.

**V**

**V**

Marigold and Susannah had finally cornered their prey with false sincerity. They spun lies of wanting to wash their gowns with the new guest, just so she would be more comfortable in Rivendell.

Aisling didn't buy it for a second. They were being far too nice after their first hostile introduction, but she decided to give them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they wouldn't be as bad as she thought they would be. Of course, she would come to loathe her naïve belief on such creatures as them.

Oh, it started off well and dandy. The three of them knelt along the banks of the stream and washed their dresses in silence. Aisling should have known they were up to something the minute they left the safety of Gandalf and Elrond's watchful eyes. And the way they arranged the seating while they washed? They were definitely out to get her. Marigold sat on her left while Susannah sat on her right. It didn't take them long before the twin imbeciles made their move.

One minute, Aisling was rinsing the Middle Earthian detergent from her gown and the next, a pair of hands closed on her windpipes while another pair held her underwater. The attack on her life was so surprising they managed to hold her under a few seconds before she clawed at their faces to get back to the surface. _No way am I going to drown in less than 3 feet of water! I still have to die from Jell-O!_ She managed a breath of air before she was forced back under. She couldn't see very well, but just by feeling she figured that one of them was sitting on her middle, while the other attempted to strangle the life out of her if their plans to drown her would fail.

She cursed the two of them, but only gurgles of water were heard. She couldn't breathe which was actually a good thing; if she tried to breathe, she'd inhale water and drown. It was a simple and foolish plan…but she had to admit that it was effective.

Next thing she knew, they had released her and ran off. She shakily rose to her knees and drew in several ragged breaths. The dark spots in front of her eyes had begun to fade, and she could make out the shape of a pointed hat. Her eyes fluttered and fell forward, but thankfully, fell into a pair of strong arms.

"Aisling, my dear, you've scared off several years of my life. I had no idea that they would come after you so soon."

Despite being partially blind, and very winded, she managed to give Gandalf a withering glare. She didn't know what she wanted to do more: ripping the blond bimbos limb from limb or smothering the old wizard with his own hat. _Ugh! You mean you _knew_ they would attempt to assassinate me? Useless wizard!_ She harrumphed, but allowed him to help her to her feet.

"I heard that, you know. I didn't catch your words, little Aisling, but I caught your meaning." Gandalf's eyes twinkled to her dismay, and she knew that her thoughts would have to be much more guarded than before.

_Don't call me 'little' Aisling. It's just Aisling!_ She snapped waspishly before stomping out of the stream and back up to the main house.

"As you wish, my dear."

**V**

**V**

**V**

**A/N: Finally. Are you happy now? I've updated! And please do cease the whining. I won't update if you beg me to. I work at my own pace, not by yours.**

**1) Reminds of the episode in Family Guy where Brian is being petted by the special ed. kid.**

**2) This famous phrase comes from one of my favorite movies. You're not obligated to figure it out; I'm just letting my readers know more about me.**

**3) This is possible. My friend's cousin died from jell-O. It says so on his Death Certificate.**

**Review please.**


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